What is Success? by Chris Widener

I believe you were, "Made for Success"! But then this begs the question: Just what is success? So, join me as I wax philosophical and pursue this question in this brief article.

Success has been an elusive term since the beginning of time. For ages, men and women have pursued that which would make them happy and fulfilled. At the same time they have tried to determine that which would make them feel as though they have achieved success. Some have defined success themselves, while others have been content to have others, or societies at large, define success for them. We would most certainly all agree that to a large degree, "success" is defined by the individual or group that is pursuing it.

Is there an objective definition of success? I do think that there are some general principles, shown throughout history, which measure true success. I would like to give you some principles that I believe are helpful when thinking about the subject for yourself, your family, and your career.

Before we begin, I need to say that I am excited about the direction that much of the recent success literature has taken. While I don't agree with all of the viewpoints that are expressed, I am glad that more emphasis has been placed on what I call "whole-life" success, including such things as family, health, and spirituality. Success literature that is centered on financial wealth and the attaining of material possessions only, is not truly success literature in the broadest sense of the term. While financial success is good, it is certainly not the final measurement of the fulfilled life.

To truly understand success, one must first understand the nature of human beings. I believe that you would agree with me that humans are in their very nature a trichotomy, that is, they are made up of three parts: Body, Soul (the mind, emotions, and will), and Spirit (that part of us that transcends this body). To achieve whole-life fulfillment, "Success," each of these areas must receive special attention in order to bring balance to our lives and achieve true success.

In the past, success has come to be measured by a basic core of measurable objectives, all of which, in and of themselves are fine, but in and of themselves are totally inadequate to fulfill a person. Some of these are:

Money. The accumulation of money has always been a pursuit of man. The more money the better, it has been believed. And yet many who have achieved this end have looked back at the rest of us and warned that it isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Now, don't get me wrong, having money is not a bad thing. Many people misquote the New Testament when they say, "Money is the root of all evil." In fact, the N.T. says "The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil." Money is neutral. What people allow money to do to them, is not. So the pursuit of money, in the right frame of mind, can be a good thing.

Power. Power, like money, is high on the list of success goals. And, like money, power is bad or good based on the use it receives in the hands of people. Power, whether political or simply untitled influence, can be a good thing. If you achieve power that is good, as long as you are good with it.

Happiness. This is almost entirely subjective and usually includes one or all of the other success goals. People define their version of success and then pursue it. Usually it means a sense of fulfillment and peace, which I will discuss later on.

Freedom. Whether as individuals or groups, freedom has rightly been a pursuit and definition of success. America, even with its faults, is still the epitome of freedom. This is why so many people from around the world long to come to America or other fine democratic countries. As individuals, they want to be able to choose their own destiny, to wake up every day and do what they want, to as opposed to what someone else chooses for them.

Healthy relationships. Let's face it, life is not lived alone. We are in a plethora of relationships, from the very superficial to the most intimate. Let's also agree that unhealthy relationships are not good. Nothing can bring a person down quicker or for a longer time than trouble in a cherished relationship. And yet, millions of people have realized that the pursuit of some goals have been to the detriment of their personal relationships. This is what John R. O'Neil calls "The Paradox of Success."

Health. The joy of success is not in the achievement of it, but the experience of it. It is the conscious knowledge of your success, the fruit of your success, which brings fulfillment. And if you are not healthy, you can almost certainly not enjoy your success. Your health is perhaps the most cherished of all possessions. Without it, you cannot enjoy your other possessions.

A relationship with God. For most people, eternal questions are important, even the most important. To be sure, we live after this life a lot longer than we do in this life! Having a belief in God and an understanding of his ways has long been a pursuit and goal of people, regardless of age, nationality, race or gender.

So, how can we sum this all up? What is success? Is it one of the above? All of them? Something else? I have found something that helps me understand the concept of success very well. It is the Hebrew word "Shalom." Most people have heard this word interpreted as "peace," and, in its simple definition, that is indeed what it means. But the understanding of the word peace to those who originally used this word meant something very broad. When someone said "shalom" to you, they were wishing you peace in every area of your life. They meant success to you. This incorporated all areas of your life. It meant wholeness. They were saying, "May your finances be well. May your health be well. May your mind and heart be at rest. May your relationships be good. May you know and understand God. May you be blessed in every area of your life."

So what is success? It is wholeness in every area of your life. It isn't the achievement of one area to the detriment of one or more of the others. This isn't balance and won't bring us peace. This is what the phrase, "Made for Success" is all about, to challenge and encourage you to pursue and achieve true success, peace in every area of your life. Shalom!

My Happiness

There's a quote by Art Buchwald that says the best things in life aren't things. How true is that! Often the real things that make us happy are the little things in life, or shall I say experiences that seem so minor, yet able to stir that undescribable emotions inside.

My top 10 little happiness are as follows:

1) The lightness and the wonderful feeling after a workout and shower in the gym.

2) Tuning in to the great music from my fav radio stations while on the journey home in the bus or in the car.

3) Having a cup of nice coffee in the morning...the aroma of the coffee beans...ahhhh....heavenly! How can I live without it?

4) Reading! Books are the window to meaning of life and the world..we are living in a little box and its amazing to realise that there is sooo much more we don't know and will never know..its a never ending learning..it has silently taught me many things on how to see life and how to react to it. It has helped me grow and will always remain my faithful silent companion in life.

5) Singing my favourite tunes from heart and feeling the lyrics.

6) Spin driving and singing along in the car, especially driving by the beach during sunset and stopping by the side to watch it go down, the peacefulness and serenity you experienced are indescribable..

7) Nature...the gentle sound of rustling leaves...the light patter of raindrops on the roof, the smell of Jasmine flowers from the Jasmine tree outside my room window in Perth (I can't forget!) The beach, the rainforest, the view from the mountain peak, the waterfall, the ranges...I love mother nature! People say that's god 's greatest gift and I totally agree.

8) Playing my favourite tunes on my piano, although sometimes it might sound like I'm torturing my neighbours but I feel so happy to be able to play a new favourite tune!

9) Spending time with my family and my doggie..our weekly family dinner outings. I have to say that I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful and healthy family...it makes me cherish them more when I see friends and cousins coming from dysfunctional family background or a parent/sibling that has passed on. I never know how they feel but it must be terrible, my heart goes out to them.

10) Spritual awareness. Without this, I will never grow towards happiness. With every awareness, I'm being freed. I grew to embrace solitude and not loneliness. I was brought to understand things that people don't know or don't think about and see non-physical things that people are blinded to. Although I still have a lot of bad things to work on and good things to start on, I'm grateful for this gift of awareness and I hope to pass it on to others in my little ways.

While I'm counting my blessings, I realise I have a lot more than 10 and if I am to list them all down...I think this post will get really long!

We all have our own little happiness and each of us is different, so how do you know something is your happiness? Well I can't speak for all, but if you ask me to describe, it will have to be that peacefulness, calmness and holistic feeling that overwhelm you.

You totally ignore what the world is doing or saying at that moment and you really immerse in the present..its just you and your emotions..many times you realise you are smiling unknowingly and sometimes the emotions can be so powerful that you are moved to tears.

Does any of these sounds familiar to you? If yes, congratulations! Treat these little happiness as your most valuable treasures and they become yours for life, for nothing can take it away because they are not things.

Best advice ever for Twenty Somethings...

Don't fall asleep at the wheels

The essence of discovery is not in seeing new landscapes, but in having new eyes. ~ Marcel Proust

I honestly hope that none of you ever say. "Well, gosh, I'm twenty-four now, I have a degree, and now it's time to grow up and be sensible." That's the worst advice you could ever give yourself. LIFE HAS TO DISCOVERED ALL THE TIME. You can never say, "I have done everything I can up to the sage of twenty five, and now I have to settle down and be a responsible, boring adult in a responsible, boring world." You don't have to do that. ~ Ric Birch, executive producer of the Sydney and Barcelona Olympic Games ceremonies

If it's not working for you - the company is bad or the people are bad - get out of there. Move. Everyday is a day wasted day after that. Life's just too short. ~ Pat O'Donnell, CEO of Aspen Skiing Company.

Your life is now. Your life is not going to start when you graduate college. Your life is not going to start when you get married. Your life is now. You have to enjoy your life today...otherwise you're going to be miserable. ~ Katherine Cohen, founder of IvyWise college counseling

It's amazing how precious life is. Time is so precious. If you're doing a job you don't like because someone else wants you to do it, get out. Don't waste the spark of life. ~ Peter Seligmann, chairman of the board and CEO of Conservation International

The only advice I could give is - "Poof, you're fifty." So what have you done? Did you have fun? Did you have adventures? Did you do stuff that you really loved? Did you live a brave life? Were you not afraid? Because mostly I think it's fear of "am I going to make a mistake?" that holds person back from living their lives. Well, you know what, make a mistake. ~ Geoffrey Frost, Senior Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer of Motorola.

Ten to fifteen years from now, if you look back on your life and ask, "I wonder if I should have done that differently?" I don't think you want to be in a position to say,"Yeah, I should have done that differently." Because you can't get that time back. ~ David Jacobs, CEO and founder of Spyder Active Sports

Exit the Freeway

I see so many students who are directed. They're in high school and they already want to get into advertising, but there's no life there. No embracing of the world, or the people around them. I mean, how do you know if you want to be an art director if you never looked at other things? If you've never gotten out of your comfort zone and tried anything else? ~ Laurie Coots, Chief Marketing Officer of Chiat\Day advertising agency

If you don't slow down, you're going to get caught halfway through life and realize all the things you missed when you were capable of doing them. ~ Chuck McGrady, President of the Sierra Club

Then, in January 1984, I got a call from a guy who I'd interned with at the Clean Air Coalition. He was in Iowa organizing the presidential campaign for Walter Mondale and asked if I'd come work for him. He said he needed me in two days. I wasn't sure, but I believed then, as I do now, that you should take an opportunity when it's presented to you. You never know where it might lead. So in the next two days I dropped out of school, quit my job, left my boyfriend, and went to Iowa for what I thought would be a month. ~ Deb Callahan, President of the League of Conversation Voters

I applied to Yale and was accepted, but I decided to take a year off in 1968. there was a lot of pressure to go, and people said things like "You're crazy. What are you going?" I spent the year bumming around Europe and participating in the revolution. It was amazing. I ended up never going to college. ~ Geoffrey Frost, Senior Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer of Motorola

Right after my senior year at Brown, while my friends went to Wall Street or Law school, I moved to Nantucket and started a business with my friend. ~ Tom First, cofounder of Nantucket Nectars

I don't know what I wanted to do. I was totally displaced after college. But when I was traveling in Europe, I discovered the romance of the Italian espresso bar in Italy. It was an epiphany for me. ~ Howard Schultz, Chairman of Starbucks Coffee Company

My parents thought I had flipped out when I didn't take the banking job. But at some point you just have to follow your gut and what feels right. ~ Mike Egeck, president of The North Face

There Is No Road Map

You can't map out a very long route for yourself. What you can do is sort of know where you're going. Be half sure, jump in, an hope you can swim the rest of the way. It's like Eco-challenge. The race is five hundred miles and thirty checkpoints. The people who don't finish are full of ego and only focus on their finish placement. They do that even when they're leaving the start line. People who are successful focus on the immediate checkpoint. When they reach checkpoint one, then they worry about checkpoint two, and so on. That's the philosophy you need to keep to. ~ Mark Burnett, Creator and Producer of Eco-challenge, Survivor, and The Apprentice

There is no raod map. No black or white answers. People really like black and white - go to school, boom , boom, boom, and you could be this. No one should tell you, "This leads to that" or "You need to do this," because there are a lot of options out there. ~ Gary Erickson, founder and CEO of Clif Bar.

Its not like when I was your age I had this plan that led me here. Things just go along as a progression of your interests and what you like to do. ~ David Jacobs, CEO and founder of Spyder Active Sports

You can't just script your life. ~ Jerry Colangelo, Chairman and CEO of The Phoenix Suns

In terms of a career path, mine was totally unpredictable. It wasn't anything I ever had in mind at the beginning. It was a series of connected events, but it's only with hindsight that you realize they're connected. ~ Ric Birch, Executive Producer of the Sdyney and Barcelona Olympic Games ceremonies

Roadtrip Nation: A guide to discovering your path in life

I just read a good book that was recommended by Sunday Times. This book is call "Roadtrip Nation: A guide to discovering your path in life"

Here's what the book is about:

"Two guys Mike Marriner and Nathan Gebhard who had no idea what to do with their lives after college. All they've been exposed to were standard career paths like doctor and consultant - roads that didn't fit them at all. To see what else was out there, they took a roadtrip across the nation in a huge forty-foot RV to meet with people who had successfully defined their own paths in life - including the chairman of Starbucks, a lobstermanfrom Maine, the director of Saturday Night Live, the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, the first female Supreme Court of Justice in US, the head stylist for Madonna, and the CEO of National Geographic Ventures. All told, 140 people candidly shared their stories abput how they got from college to the present, Mike and Nathan share the most compelling tales with you."

I had to say it was compelling indeed..I was hooked on it till the very last page. It was amazing to read how these people overcome the status quo to achieve what was truly meant for them. Their paths seem difficult and bleak at start, drenched with tears and sweat along the way and finally achieving success in their own definition after paying their dues.

What is success to you? How do you define success? When I ask this question to my peers, I get answers surrounding materialistic goal like lots of money, to make my parents feel proud of me, career advancement, getting recognition for outstanding achievement at work, to work for MNC/regional post to family oriented goals like finding a good husband or getting married before 30 (although this is often not declared as a goal openly).

Well these answers are sort of expected, how many of us really sit down to think this is what we really wanna do and whether the basis of choosing this is to earn money or out of passion? I mean what to do..we live in Singapore! Ha..but after reading this book, I find that this is a universal problem, following the status quo is a universal thing, which made me realise that man are made to follow because this is the easiest thing to do, that is why few people can sucessfully redefine the status quo because it is the ultimate challenge for mankind!

Well I used to be in it, setting goals like earning lots of $$ to buy big bunglows to house my family..nice cars etc, making waves in career and getting power so that I can sit above every soul in the office and made them report to me..and that was before university.

Today, after going through some physical and inner changes, I am amazed to find that I am no longer pursuing all these things..I realise that these are not what I really wanted. What I wanted was to do something that is true to my calling and passion, so that I can get 100% mentally, emotionally and physically involved at work..I mean how many of us can say that we are totally absorbed at work now and we have put 100% heart and soul into our jobs?

I am really inspired by people who have achieved that..be it a lobsterman, a dancer or the founder for Starbucks..these are the people who can finally be true to themselves and they never feel like work is a chore because work is play for them. That to me is happiness because the passion and the smile on the dancer's face when they are on the stage is the purest form of happiness. To be able to enjoy what I am enjoy and still have time for family and friends..that is the goal I am pursuing.

Ben Younger, the successful director of feature film Bolier Room who had come a long way to where he is today, quoted:

"I have friends who are truly unhappy now. They got married, had a couple of kids, and are locked down. It's not that they don't love their families but they just got into things so fast before they figured out what they wanted to be as individuals. I think you have to be happy before you commit to having a family and such a high level of giving to other people.

If you are not married and young, you should have more than one job. Have seven or eight. What's wrong with that? Until you get married, I say take a job and quit every six months and try something new."

You might think that this is a bold statement to make but come to think of it..how are we supposed to know what is it that we really wanna do unless we have a taste of it? How can we be so sure that the current banking/accountant/law firm job is truly what we want if we limit our working experiences to certain areas?

Here's something for your thoughts..

Roadtrip Nation Manifesto:

So, what do you want to do with your life?
"You should be a lawyer, a doctor, an accountant, a consultant...blah, blah, blah."
Everywhere you turn people try to tell you who to be and what to do with your life.
We call that the noise. Block it. Shed it.
Leave it for the conformists.
As a generation, we need to get back to focusing on individuality.
Self-construction rather than mass production.
Define your own road in life instead of travelling down someone else's.
Listen to yourself.
Your road is the open road. Find it.
Find the Open Road.

Quarter-Life Crisis

Song Spinning Now: "With Love" Soundtrack - Once In A Blue Moon

I am having a crisis; it is call the quarter life crisis.

The reason why I am able to identity that I am going through this crisis is because I can relate to the issues that the Straits Times Journalist (forgot her name..sorry!) wrote in the papers. She introduced this book titled "Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis" by Alexandra Robbins. The next day, I found myself borrowing the book from the library and begin searching for solace from that little red book.

Unlike midlife crisis, where a person in 40s and 50s might feel his life is stagnant, with too much predictability, stability and certainty. At 25, however, a common feeling is that there's too much unpredictability, instability and uncertainty. If you are still clueless what a quarterlife crisis is, here are the issues that surface (as listed in the book):

Hopes and Dreams:

- What if I don't know what I want?

- How Do i find my Passion?

- When do I let go of my dream?

- What if I don't get what I want by the age I thought I'd get it?

- How do I start over? or, what if I spent years working hard and now realize I made a mistake?

Relationships:

- Why am I having trouble meeting people?

- How important are sparks?

- How do I know if I'm dating The One?

- How do I know if I was just experimenting or if I'm really gay or bi?

Work Life:

- How Do I weigh doing something I love versus making enough money?

- Will I always hate going to work?

- When do I give up on a job?

- What if I want to completely change direction in my career?

- Should I go back to school? or, What if school was a waste?

Home, Friends, and Family>

- Why is it so hard to live alone?

- What if I feel like I'm "stuck"?

- Why is it so hard to find friends?

- What if my friends and I are drifting apart?

- How do I stop comparing myself to other people?

- Should I move back with my parents?

Identity:

- Wht can't I deal with adulthood?

- What do I do if my life seems boring or meaningless?

- How do I stop feeling so overwhelmed?

- When will I stop feeling afraid of and start looking forward to growing older?

- What if I don't like myself? or, Will I ever be happy?

If you are age 20-35 and can relate to at least one of these issues stated above, then you are facing a crisis. The scary thing is, I can relate to almost all of them! As much as I don't want to admit this (it's my ego working!), I will still acknowledge that I am in a crisis because this is the truth and I don't want to deny myself, even if I feel embarrassed about it.

Damn...I can't believe this! I can relate to everything in this book and I feel happy and sad at the same time as I went through this book. Happy because I feel normal and this is not just me, sad because it hit on some painful truths in me that I feel helpless and diffcult to overcome at this time.

What I like about this book is that the true stories inside are not always happy endings, but some happy ending ones really get on my nerves, as they make me frustrated. I might be labelled as 'jealous' or 'eating sour grapes'. No doubt I am happy for these people, it has nothing to do with them...everything boils down to me and that's the most frustrating part because I am the only person who is responsible to sort out these issues and I am the sole control of my own destiny. If I am not having clear answers to the issues above, then I feel the pressure mounting because my 20s is limited and I have already been through half of it...which only make me even more stressed out.

Yes! Yes! I embrace the fact that I am unsure of myself, which I thought I was all along...I don't care what people think because it takes courage to admit this and it takes even more courage to tell others about it. We now live in a different era from our parents, who are contend to get married early, have kids and work their own life in one company. The 20s were not a time of trial and error for them, they had to grow up FAST.

Many older people have not realised that the twenties aren't they used to be. The phrase "30 is the new 20" has caught on. If we measure ourselves based on the old standards, then we are really insane beings trying to catch up in this fast-paced world that is at leat 10 times faster than the time when our folks are in their 20s. The only thing that is constant is change...isn't it ironic if we are laughed at not attaining our folks' then 'achievements' or from society's old standards?

So what if I am not in a solid relationship and not married by 30? So what if my career is not a certainty? So what if I am not a millionaire by 30? So what if I don't understand what a purpose or passion driven life is yet? And so what if the decisions I have made in the past are regrets?

We are often the harshest critic of our own and society wants us to grow up FAST once we graduated. Now..who really swear to cast away all the things from our childhood and teenage years to become a serious, responsible adult? As quoted in the book, a common cause of the quarterlife crisis is that we get caught up in what our lives will be like several years down the road that we forget about enjoying the present. So make sure you are living in the present, rather than for an uncertain future.

Although I'm not advocating we should discard the idea of planning and be responsible for our future, we should not treat the present for granted because we only get to be 25,26,27,or 28 once in a lifetime and the experience we get from certain things in this stage will be different when we face them again in another stage of life. Just like the romance we experienced as a student will be a different experience from the romances we have in adulthood, or the idea of the adulthood as a student is so different from the real thing when we actually become adults. These thoughts, experience, happiness only come into our life once.

Although such issues can be overwhelming and painful at times, I think these are also the only things that will make us grow and teach us how to face life amidst all the regrets, false hopes, fantasies, ideals, sadness, hurt, happiness and also the things that doesn't turn out the way we want. So whether they are good or bad experiences, they had shaped me to who I am today. I still have to move and keep learning this mystery thing call life.

My favorite sentence in the book is "If you were to achieve everything you wanted in life by the age of 30, then what would you do for the next 50 years? You have time. You don't have to get everything right now."

This sentence resonates some truth. But it is based on the assumption that we have time, which means we all live to the grand old age of 80 or more. Some people will think that this is an excuse not to excel in all aspects of our life. There is also another struggle against the fact that all of us don't know how much time we have on earth and that we should live life to the fullest and achieve whatever we want to as long as we are still here. Then again, if we really get to live until 80, then this is a really long journey and isn't it reasonable to have the sufficient time for us to grow and savour life one bit at a time?

Haha..well..this is quarterlife crisis. I wonder what sort of issues I will face when I reach my midlife crisis. Its really tiring to think so much. I think ultimately it boils down to our own self. The decisions we made are really for our 'self'. It doesn't matter what people say, do or achieve, even logically speaking, we should strive to become better. Ultimately, the funny and illogical thing call soul will take over (even if it takes a longer time), making us questioning ourselves and taking stock of whether what we are doing or pursuing are making us happy. Some people call this listen to your heart.

For me, I am still struggling between the logical and illogical side of me and I have yet to find the balance. However, I treat this as a lesson that most normal human being will go through in their 20s. Just like all lessons, there will be an end to the class and the time we will graduate from the class, as long as we don't give up. :)