Quarter-Life Crisis

Song Spinning Now: "With Love" Soundtrack - Once In A Blue Moon

I am having a crisis; it is call the quarter life crisis.

The reason why I am able to identity that I am going through this crisis is because I can relate to the issues that the Straits Times Journalist (forgot her name..sorry!) wrote in the papers. She introduced this book titled "Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis" by Alexandra Robbins. The next day, I found myself borrowing the book from the library and begin searching for solace from that little red book.

Unlike midlife crisis, where a person in 40s and 50s might feel his life is stagnant, with too much predictability, stability and certainty. At 25, however, a common feeling is that there's too much unpredictability, instability and uncertainty. If you are still clueless what a quarterlife crisis is, here are the issues that surface (as listed in the book):

Hopes and Dreams:

- What if I don't know what I want?

- How Do i find my Passion?

- When do I let go of my dream?

- What if I don't get what I want by the age I thought I'd get it?

- How do I start over? or, what if I spent years working hard and now realize I made a mistake?

Relationships:

- Why am I having trouble meeting people?

- How important are sparks?

- How do I know if I'm dating The One?

- How do I know if I was just experimenting or if I'm really gay or bi?

Work Life:

- How Do I weigh doing something I love versus making enough money?

- Will I always hate going to work?

- When do I give up on a job?

- What if I want to completely change direction in my career?

- Should I go back to school? or, What if school was a waste?

Home, Friends, and Family>

- Why is it so hard to live alone?

- What if I feel like I'm "stuck"?

- Why is it so hard to find friends?

- What if my friends and I are drifting apart?

- How do I stop comparing myself to other people?

- Should I move back with my parents?

Identity:

- Wht can't I deal with adulthood?

- What do I do if my life seems boring or meaningless?

- How do I stop feeling so overwhelmed?

- When will I stop feeling afraid of and start looking forward to growing older?

- What if I don't like myself? or, Will I ever be happy?

If you are age 20-35 and can relate to at least one of these issues stated above, then you are facing a crisis. The scary thing is, I can relate to almost all of them! As much as I don't want to admit this (it's my ego working!), I will still acknowledge that I am in a crisis because this is the truth and I don't want to deny myself, even if I feel embarrassed about it.

Damn...I can't believe this! I can relate to everything in this book and I feel happy and sad at the same time as I went through this book. Happy because I feel normal and this is not just me, sad because it hit on some painful truths in me that I feel helpless and diffcult to overcome at this time.

What I like about this book is that the true stories inside are not always happy endings, but some happy ending ones really get on my nerves, as they make me frustrated. I might be labelled as 'jealous' or 'eating sour grapes'. No doubt I am happy for these people, it has nothing to do with them...everything boils down to me and that's the most frustrating part because I am the only person who is responsible to sort out these issues and I am the sole control of my own destiny. If I am not having clear answers to the issues above, then I feel the pressure mounting because my 20s is limited and I have already been through half of it...which only make me even more stressed out.

Yes! Yes! I embrace the fact that I am unsure of myself, which I thought I was all along...I don't care what people think because it takes courage to admit this and it takes even more courage to tell others about it. We now live in a different era from our parents, who are contend to get married early, have kids and work their own life in one company. The 20s were not a time of trial and error for them, they had to grow up FAST.

Many older people have not realised that the twenties aren't they used to be. The phrase "30 is the new 20" has caught on. If we measure ourselves based on the old standards, then we are really insane beings trying to catch up in this fast-paced world that is at leat 10 times faster than the time when our folks are in their 20s. The only thing that is constant is change...isn't it ironic if we are laughed at not attaining our folks' then 'achievements' or from society's old standards?

So what if I am not in a solid relationship and not married by 30? So what if my career is not a certainty? So what if I am not a millionaire by 30? So what if I don't understand what a purpose or passion driven life is yet? And so what if the decisions I have made in the past are regrets?

We are often the harshest critic of our own and society wants us to grow up FAST once we graduated. Now..who really swear to cast away all the things from our childhood and teenage years to become a serious, responsible adult? As quoted in the book, a common cause of the quarterlife crisis is that we get caught up in what our lives will be like several years down the road that we forget about enjoying the present. So make sure you are living in the present, rather than for an uncertain future.

Although I'm not advocating we should discard the idea of planning and be responsible for our future, we should not treat the present for granted because we only get to be 25,26,27,or 28 once in a lifetime and the experience we get from certain things in this stage will be different when we face them again in another stage of life. Just like the romance we experienced as a student will be a different experience from the romances we have in adulthood, or the idea of the adulthood as a student is so different from the real thing when we actually become adults. These thoughts, experience, happiness only come into our life once.

Although such issues can be overwhelming and painful at times, I think these are also the only things that will make us grow and teach us how to face life amidst all the regrets, false hopes, fantasies, ideals, sadness, hurt, happiness and also the things that doesn't turn out the way we want. So whether they are good or bad experiences, they had shaped me to who I am today. I still have to move and keep learning this mystery thing call life.

My favorite sentence in the book is "If you were to achieve everything you wanted in life by the age of 30, then what would you do for the next 50 years? You have time. You don't have to get everything right now."

This sentence resonates some truth. But it is based on the assumption that we have time, which means we all live to the grand old age of 80 or more. Some people will think that this is an excuse not to excel in all aspects of our life. There is also another struggle against the fact that all of us don't know how much time we have on earth and that we should live life to the fullest and achieve whatever we want to as long as we are still here. Then again, if we really get to live until 80, then this is a really long journey and isn't it reasonable to have the sufficient time for us to grow and savour life one bit at a time?

Haha..well..this is quarterlife crisis. I wonder what sort of issues I will face when I reach my midlife crisis. Its really tiring to think so much. I think ultimately it boils down to our own self. The decisions we made are really for our 'self'. It doesn't matter what people say, do or achieve, even logically speaking, we should strive to become better. Ultimately, the funny and illogical thing call soul will take over (even if it takes a longer time), making us questioning ourselves and taking stock of whether what we are doing or pursuing are making us happy. Some people call this listen to your heart.

For me, I am still struggling between the logical and illogical side of me and I have yet to find the balance. However, I treat this as a lesson that most normal human being will go through in their 20s. Just like all lessons, there will be an end to the class and the time we will graduate from the class, as long as we don't give up. :)