I'm living by faith from now

There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud ~ Carl Sandburg

Have you ever shared the same sentiment? Do you feel like you can achieve something but don't know what is it or where to start? Do you feel a constant urge to excel or do more of the stuff THAT MATTERS TO YOU but still not doing anything yet? 

The reason for this procrastination is nothing than the four letter word FEAR. We worry or doubt too much of our own abilities that we stay paralysed. Our tunnel vision can only see what our current situation is and cannot visualise the desired outcome or success so we can only stay hopeful. 

The thing is God loves everybody and has a great plan and destiny that is unique to each of us and will prosper us. So why are we still afraid? 

I am no exception, I have my own fears like everybody else. My fears & confusion were born out of the past mistakes, failures and wrong choices I made. I know God loves me and have a great plan for me but I still struggled with wanting to soar and feeling like getting 'stucked' on the ground at the same time. So I avoid making decisions nowadays and leaving it to God to bring clarity when I'm unsure.

Recently I made a difficult decision to leave my job that I've worked at for 1.5yrs, reason being it is not a long stay and I was trying to hang on to it for at least 2 yrs so it looks good on my resume. In fact this is the longest job I ever held (this is not a good thing) and I sincerely did want to stay for more than 2 years. It was a decision I arrived after much praying and crying out to God for help and guidance. I already wanted to leave much earlier but I held on to it because I don't think its a right thing to do and I felt gulity about leaving and there's no peace at all. 

So I endured till now and its finally eating into me. The situation in company did become better (after much praying for the company) but its me who got worst. My performance slipped and I lost heart and motivation in my job so much that I felt its better to leave now than be a burden and affecting everyone. I tried to make an effort but I can't help it, I just can't stay on any longer as much as I will like to. The funny thing now is that the more I prayed about this, the more at peace I am to make this decision. Because I keep proscrating on submitting my resignation, this thought is like bombarding my mind 24/7. Logically I know if I leave now it is a risk and might not do good for my future, but deep down I know I need to leave but I just haven't got around doing it. So I need to trust God that he knows what I'm doing and have faith in him that he will see me through this period of darkness and gloom about my future. 

I'm still not 100% sure on my direction and what's the plan after this, but I do know that the first thing I'll do is to start working on my online marketing stuff and hopefully the tiny side income and grow into full-time income for me. The income from my internet marketing continue to grow bits by bits PASSIVELY even though I have stopped working on it for a year, but somehow I think I can take it further if I work on it. It is absolutely impossible not to think about this or stay away from it when you actually see yourself making money that grows by itself passively! I can't help but be drawn back to this! 

You see, internet marketing is something I came into by chance, which I have no intial interest, planning or intention to do. Initially I just wanted to sell fashion items online but I ventured into affiliate marketing somehow. Naturally, my interest in this had grown when I see results. I believe its God's blessing not just on the financial side, but also for the little talent and desire that he had given me on internet marketing. 

It might sound like this is a clear direction for me, but I have doubts. It is only generating a 3-figure sum and I don't have the confidence that I will be so good that I can generate a full-time income within 3 months, so the conflicting thoughts of finding a MNC job with good pay and prospects are on my mind too.

So after months of tormenting myself with the question of should I leave my job and when should I leave, I just don't care anymore. The answer is clear, I should leave now. I don't know how my future is going to be like but I know God does and I trust him to protect me, to provide for me and guide me to the right places. In Proverbs 16:9, it says 'In his heart a man plans his course but the Lord directs his steps'. Surely with God behind, I know I will be fine and I will survive. I am living purely by faith from now and I thank God for this chance.

Recently I was questioning why some people can attain successful business, financial freedom, self-employment, more time more freedom, working on something they like and earning good income while some people are praying for good job opportunities with good pay, pay increments, good bosses, bonuses etc. Then God revealed something to me, he simply said because these people don't dare to dream big. God is still good to those who sincerely prayed for good jobs & its perks to come by, but if they dare to ask for a bigger dream, God can help them too. 

Many times we don't actually believe we can do what's needed to achieve our 'unrealistic' big dreams, whether it is conciously or subconciously, so we pray for more 'realistic' stuff. Dreams and visions come from God, they are usually God-sized callings. We need to internalise and visualise our God-size callings to turn it into reality with God's help. When we do that, God will start getting more involved in our dreams. This is when we start actively and conciously praying for God's help, to ask him for faith and courage to take actions, the wisdom on the steps to take, the creativity to create new things and his supernatural grace to breakthrough and his blessings to make our dreams come true. Do you agree?

Half a year gone by

Its been almost half a year since I've blogged. Time passes so unbelivably fast that sometimes I just wanna live in denial. Denial of the fact that I'm older by 6 months and that reminds me of the long list of 2008 goals that I've yet to achieve or even get started on. Call it proscratination, or laziness or lack of time, its just really hard to get it going.

Sometimes I think holding a full-time job does affect what you really want to achieve outside work. Maybe its just me, the tiredness after work just makes me wanna do nothing when I get home. I've been wanting to start reworking on my internet business but just can't get around doing it. My day job requires me to face the PC whole day long and the thought of facing it again after work just doesn't motivate me, even if it will help to increase my income.

Then again, the thought of creating new content for my fashion portal just seems too much work and in the end I rather leave it as it is. Sometimes I thought of starting a new portal but since I don't have a concrete plan mapped out, it makes things difficult. Ultimately its really about not wanting to spend anymore time on work outside work.

I started to reflect on how I really spend my time outside work and concluded that my free time is spent on sleeping, reading books, watching dramas (sometimes only), working out, catching up with friends and church activities. Working on my internet business means I have to forego one or more of these activities, which are all important to me, or simply quit my job and do this full-time. Such is the dilemma of life, doing this full-time poses much risk, especially with such display of my laziness and lack of discipline, yet it is something I desire to do. How do one make a difficult choice like this? It is really not any child's play, considering that as one gets older, the more we have to be responsible for the consequences of our own actions. The struggles of adulthood is really like a thorn in the flesh, not really knowing how to pluck it out and produces pain if it does get plucked out.

Anyway I still think I really need to get started no matter what. With my new found faith in God, I make an effort to ask for God's help whenever I can. It is no longer something that can be achieved by my own efforts. Surely he knows my thoughts, my struggles and weakness. I leave everything into my heavenly father's hand and trust that he will help me bring about the change I so needed. Lord please help me....

My Spiritual Journey (12 Jan 08)

Live a life of servanthood for GOD, for his kingdom and for his glory.

God makes us the HEAD and not the tail.

Be persistent in your prayers and KNOW that GOD will answer them in due time. Sow lots of faith, persistence and patience in your prayers and you shall reap! (Luke 18:1-8)

The key to success is to be humble, listen more than talk and don't be quick to react, always take the lower position and deny yourself (Luke 18:14)

We must always come with a believing, trusting, innocent and anticipating attitude towards our walk with GOD, just like little children (Luke 18:17)

Take good care of what GOD has given you (your money, valuables, talents, gifts etc) and put them to good and productive use. Do not ever take them for granted for these belong to GOD, it is GOD who put them in you, it is not because of luck or your own ability. If they are misused, GOD has the right to take them away from you and give them to someone else more deserving in his eyes. (Luke 19:26)

Surely you will have enemies and experience betrayal and persecution in life, but you will never need to worry or fear, just stand stand firm knowing you have GOD as backing and he will deliver you. (Luke 21:19)

When you are dreaded with fear and worry, you can't hear GOD even if he is trying to call out to you. Calm you mind and your thoughts and you will receive GOD. When you felt your heart burning over a message that you hear or saw in the Bible, it is GOD speaking to you, take heed. Act with faith after you hear GOD's message, run after your GOD given goals! (Luke 24:17-33)

Conversations With GOD...

Dear child...

You have many questions about your life - why you are here, why you are in these circumstances, why you have such characteristics, why certain things happened, why it is so difficult, what is your purpose and destiny, how will the future be...

You might not find an answer from me to every question and even with answers, they are not easily comprehensible. However, I still want to leave these in you heart:

You are not a chance encounter, I have put you here for a reason. You are meant to have a great destiny and fulfilling life. I have given you a unique blend of characteristics, personality, attributes and talents that sets you apart from the rest. Do not compare yourself to others my dear, for everyone is unique, what you are set out to accomplish in this life is different from anyone and can only be fulfilled by you. Your personality and characteristics exist because they are the tools needed to fulfill it.

You are who you are because it is meant to be so in the beginning, so love and accept yourself with joy. You are called to be independent because soon you will realise you need this as you walk the narrow path with me. Your childhood, family, upbringing and moral values are not by chance, for I have it planned it before you are born. I have already start leading you even if you have not known me yet.

I have watched over your thoughts and response to love & relationships from the beginning till now, and I am overjoyed that you are making good progress. The world might frown upon you, but in my eyes these are the greatest thing that can happen and I will always make you free and pure. With me in you, you are no longer hard-hearted and incapable of love. In time to come you will realise that because you didn't comprise on the standards that I placed innately in you, you will experience beautiful things that is beyond your expectation and understanding. It will be like watching breadth-taking fireworks or wonderful sceneries everyday!

You have to understand that sometimes your prayers do not get answered because I want to give you a big surprise when it does happen, especially when you least expect it. Sometimes it is because you are not ready yet and I still need to nuture you a bit more so that you will not get hurt. Patience might be difficult but all you need to do is to put your trust in me and worked together with me, soon you will realised everything is worth the wait!

My spirit is always inside you but it remained dormant in the past, always watching over you silently from behind and trying to befriend you. I start to get active when you finally know me, because I want to be your advisor and companion whenever and wherever you go. When you call upon me, you will hear my voice and never will you be alone and feel lonely again. When trouble comes and difficulties arise, I will support you and help you get through it, you don't have to walk alone.

Know that I will never leave and forsake you my dearest, even in worst times or even if you turn away from me. This is because you are my son Jesus's dear one, anyone who is dear to him will be dear to me like my own sons and daughters. So know that I only want the best for you. When you are experiencing fears, hopelessness, confusion and difficulties, know that I am already laying out path for you to redeem you out of these traps, so you must endure for the time being and just keep on trusting me.

Remember my words, for when you looked back many years from now, you will realise that these things that I said today will come to pass. You might not understand what is going on or what exactly will happen, for these things are hard to explain but if you believe in me, you will see everything for yourself. It will be a joyous moment and there will be tears in your eyes, love, happiness and graditude in your chest.

Yes, life can be good! Always remember these words my dearest, don't ever forget...

With lots of love,
Your heavenly father, GOD

Music From Heaven

I've been addicted to Jarrod Elmore CD recently..its very soothing to play this, especially at night and I don't get tired of it at all. His music is light as feather and you seems to be floating along with it, as if its straight out of the speakers from heaven.

When I first heard Jarrod Elmore's music on the internet (I was at my workdesk), it captivated me immediately that I did a search on him to read up more about this guy.

Dance of Grace (2006) is the first album for Jarrod Elmore and I'm really touched by his humbleness because of what he said in the interview with http://www.cdbaby.com/:

"It reminds me that the melodies came from somewhere else. I feel arrogant taking credit for them, as if I worked so hard on them and utilized my college education to study, analyze, and perfect them. I didn't.I really just sat down and listened. And these melodies are what I heard. As I sit and listen to the record, I'm aware that I really am just a partially cool guy from Oklahoma with average fashion sense and a corny sense of humor. I'm really not anything special. God must have used my hands. That's the only explanation that I have."

God sure did a great work...his music is different from other great new age artistes like Suzanne Ciani, George Winston and Jimmy Brickman. Its hard to explain the difference but there's this element of peace and healing that reaches right into the heart and soul when you play the album and really listen to it.

Anyway his album is not even sold in Singapore and I had to buy the mp3 tracks from http://www.tradebit.com/ , I hope to be able to get his piano scores though, it's currently not avaliable.

I always have an affinity for new age and classical/instrumental music, which many of them are equally captivating. My top favs are: Suzanne Ciani, George Winston, Kenny G, The Secret Garden, Kevin Kern, Enya, IL Divo, John Barry, Yuki Nishimura, Yimura and David Garrett (my lastest fav!)

I got to learn about his music from http://www.live365.com/ , if you have not check out this site then you are missing out something wonderful. Live365 is the no.1 free internet radio and it has over 1000 channels over 300+ genre. Half of these channels are live broadcast from other countries..there's korean music, jap music, chinese music, latino, new age, jazz..whatever you seek is most likely to be found there.

Music is indeed powerful. Its really amazing how music can speak to us; we cry, laugh, smile, cheer and dream with it afterall..it is a channel that helps us get in tuned with ourselves. While songs with lyrics guide us to relate to certain issues, songs without lyrics do even more as they have to speak to our soul. And what does that means? Someone said that communicating to the soul doesn't need to make sense, if your soul responds to it then it's understood, your brain doesn't need to. :)