Roadtrip Nation: A guide to discovering your path in life

I just read a good book that was recommended by Sunday Times. This book is call "Roadtrip Nation: A guide to discovering your path in life"

Here's what the book is about:

"Two guys Mike Marriner and Nathan Gebhard who had no idea what to do with their lives after college. All they've been exposed to were standard career paths like doctor and consultant - roads that didn't fit them at all. To see what else was out there, they took a roadtrip across the nation in a huge forty-foot RV to meet with people who had successfully defined their own paths in life - including the chairman of Starbucks, a lobstermanfrom Maine, the director of Saturday Night Live, the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, the first female Supreme Court of Justice in US, the head stylist for Madonna, and the CEO of National Geographic Ventures. All told, 140 people candidly shared their stories abput how they got from college to the present, Mike and Nathan share the most compelling tales with you."

I had to say it was compelling indeed..I was hooked on it till the very last page. It was amazing to read how these people overcome the status quo to achieve what was truly meant for them. Their paths seem difficult and bleak at start, drenched with tears and sweat along the way and finally achieving success in their own definition after paying their dues.

What is success to you? How do you define success? When I ask this question to my peers, I get answers surrounding materialistic goal like lots of money, to make my parents feel proud of me, career advancement, getting recognition for outstanding achievement at work, to work for MNC/regional post to family oriented goals like finding a good husband or getting married before 30 (although this is often not declared as a goal openly).

Well these answers are sort of expected, how many of us really sit down to think this is what we really wanna do and whether the basis of choosing this is to earn money or out of passion? I mean what to do..we live in Singapore! Ha..but after reading this book, I find that this is a universal problem, following the status quo is a universal thing, which made me realise that man are made to follow because this is the easiest thing to do, that is why few people can sucessfully redefine the status quo because it is the ultimate challenge for mankind!

Well I used to be in it, setting goals like earning lots of $$ to buy big bunglows to house my family..nice cars etc, making waves in career and getting power so that I can sit above every soul in the office and made them report to me..and that was before university.

Today, after going through some physical and inner changes, I am amazed to find that I am no longer pursuing all these things..I realise that these are not what I really wanted. What I wanted was to do something that is true to my calling and passion, so that I can get 100% mentally, emotionally and physically involved at work..I mean how many of us can say that we are totally absorbed at work now and we have put 100% heart and soul into our jobs?

I am really inspired by people who have achieved that..be it a lobsterman, a dancer or the founder for Starbucks..these are the people who can finally be true to themselves and they never feel like work is a chore because work is play for them. That to me is happiness because the passion and the smile on the dancer's face when they are on the stage is the purest form of happiness. To be able to enjoy what I am enjoy and still have time for family and friends..that is the goal I am pursuing.

Ben Younger, the successful director of feature film Bolier Room who had come a long way to where he is today, quoted:

"I have friends who are truly unhappy now. They got married, had a couple of kids, and are locked down. It's not that they don't love their families but they just got into things so fast before they figured out what they wanted to be as individuals. I think you have to be happy before you commit to having a family and such a high level of giving to other people.

If you are not married and young, you should have more than one job. Have seven or eight. What's wrong with that? Until you get married, I say take a job and quit every six months and try something new."

You might think that this is a bold statement to make but come to think of it..how are we supposed to know what is it that we really wanna do unless we have a taste of it? How can we be so sure that the current banking/accountant/law firm job is truly what we want if we limit our working experiences to certain areas?

Here's something for your thoughts..

Roadtrip Nation Manifesto:

So, what do you want to do with your life?
"You should be a lawyer, a doctor, an accountant, a consultant...blah, blah, blah."
Everywhere you turn people try to tell you who to be and what to do with your life.
We call that the noise. Block it. Shed it.
Leave it for the conformists.
As a generation, we need to get back to focusing on individuality.
Self-construction rather than mass production.
Define your own road in life instead of travelling down someone else's.
Listen to yourself.
Your road is the open road. Find it.
Find the Open Road.

Quarter-Life Crisis

Song Spinning Now: "With Love" Soundtrack - Once In A Blue Moon

I am having a crisis; it is call the quarter life crisis.

The reason why I am able to identity that I am going through this crisis is because I can relate to the issues that the Straits Times Journalist (forgot her name..sorry!) wrote in the papers. She introduced this book titled "Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis" by Alexandra Robbins. The next day, I found myself borrowing the book from the library and begin searching for solace from that little red book.

Unlike midlife crisis, where a person in 40s and 50s might feel his life is stagnant, with too much predictability, stability and certainty. At 25, however, a common feeling is that there's too much unpredictability, instability and uncertainty. If you are still clueless what a quarterlife crisis is, here are the issues that surface (as listed in the book):

Hopes and Dreams:

- What if I don't know what I want?

- How Do i find my Passion?

- When do I let go of my dream?

- What if I don't get what I want by the age I thought I'd get it?

- How do I start over? or, what if I spent years working hard and now realize I made a mistake?

Relationships:

- Why am I having trouble meeting people?

- How important are sparks?

- How do I know if I'm dating The One?

- How do I know if I was just experimenting or if I'm really gay or bi?

Work Life:

- How Do I weigh doing something I love versus making enough money?

- Will I always hate going to work?

- When do I give up on a job?

- What if I want to completely change direction in my career?

- Should I go back to school? or, What if school was a waste?

Home, Friends, and Family>

- Why is it so hard to live alone?

- What if I feel like I'm "stuck"?

- Why is it so hard to find friends?

- What if my friends and I are drifting apart?

- How do I stop comparing myself to other people?

- Should I move back with my parents?

Identity:

- Wht can't I deal with adulthood?

- What do I do if my life seems boring or meaningless?

- How do I stop feeling so overwhelmed?

- When will I stop feeling afraid of and start looking forward to growing older?

- What if I don't like myself? or, Will I ever be happy?

If you are age 20-35 and can relate to at least one of these issues stated above, then you are facing a crisis. The scary thing is, I can relate to almost all of them! As much as I don't want to admit this (it's my ego working!), I will still acknowledge that I am in a crisis because this is the truth and I don't want to deny myself, even if I feel embarrassed about it.

Damn...I can't believe this! I can relate to everything in this book and I feel happy and sad at the same time as I went through this book. Happy because I feel normal and this is not just me, sad because it hit on some painful truths in me that I feel helpless and diffcult to overcome at this time.

What I like about this book is that the true stories inside are not always happy endings, but some happy ending ones really get on my nerves, as they make me frustrated. I might be labelled as 'jealous' or 'eating sour grapes'. No doubt I am happy for these people, it has nothing to do with them...everything boils down to me and that's the most frustrating part because I am the only person who is responsible to sort out these issues and I am the sole control of my own destiny. If I am not having clear answers to the issues above, then I feel the pressure mounting because my 20s is limited and I have already been through half of it...which only make me even more stressed out.

Yes! Yes! I embrace the fact that I am unsure of myself, which I thought I was all along...I don't care what people think because it takes courage to admit this and it takes even more courage to tell others about it. We now live in a different era from our parents, who are contend to get married early, have kids and work their own life in one company. The 20s were not a time of trial and error for them, they had to grow up FAST.

Many older people have not realised that the twenties aren't they used to be. The phrase "30 is the new 20" has caught on. If we measure ourselves based on the old standards, then we are really insane beings trying to catch up in this fast-paced world that is at leat 10 times faster than the time when our folks are in their 20s. The only thing that is constant is change...isn't it ironic if we are laughed at not attaining our folks' then 'achievements' or from society's old standards?

So what if I am not in a solid relationship and not married by 30? So what if my career is not a certainty? So what if I am not a millionaire by 30? So what if I don't understand what a purpose or passion driven life is yet? And so what if the decisions I have made in the past are regrets?

We are often the harshest critic of our own and society wants us to grow up FAST once we graduated. Now..who really swear to cast away all the things from our childhood and teenage years to become a serious, responsible adult? As quoted in the book, a common cause of the quarterlife crisis is that we get caught up in what our lives will be like several years down the road that we forget about enjoying the present. So make sure you are living in the present, rather than for an uncertain future.

Although I'm not advocating we should discard the idea of planning and be responsible for our future, we should not treat the present for granted because we only get to be 25,26,27,or 28 once in a lifetime and the experience we get from certain things in this stage will be different when we face them again in another stage of life. Just like the romance we experienced as a student will be a different experience from the romances we have in adulthood, or the idea of the adulthood as a student is so different from the real thing when we actually become adults. These thoughts, experience, happiness only come into our life once.

Although such issues can be overwhelming and painful at times, I think these are also the only things that will make us grow and teach us how to face life amidst all the regrets, false hopes, fantasies, ideals, sadness, hurt, happiness and also the things that doesn't turn out the way we want. So whether they are good or bad experiences, they had shaped me to who I am today. I still have to move and keep learning this mystery thing call life.

My favorite sentence in the book is "If you were to achieve everything you wanted in life by the age of 30, then what would you do for the next 50 years? You have time. You don't have to get everything right now."

This sentence resonates some truth. But it is based on the assumption that we have time, which means we all live to the grand old age of 80 or more. Some people will think that this is an excuse not to excel in all aspects of our life. There is also another struggle against the fact that all of us don't know how much time we have on earth and that we should live life to the fullest and achieve whatever we want to as long as we are still here. Then again, if we really get to live until 80, then this is a really long journey and isn't it reasonable to have the sufficient time for us to grow and savour life one bit at a time?

Haha..well..this is quarterlife crisis. I wonder what sort of issues I will face when I reach my midlife crisis. Its really tiring to think so much. I think ultimately it boils down to our own self. The decisions we made are really for our 'self'. It doesn't matter what people say, do or achieve, even logically speaking, we should strive to become better. Ultimately, the funny and illogical thing call soul will take over (even if it takes a longer time), making us questioning ourselves and taking stock of whether what we are doing or pursuing are making us happy. Some people call this listen to your heart.

For me, I am still struggling between the logical and illogical side of me and I have yet to find the balance. However, I treat this as a lesson that most normal human being will go through in their 20s. Just like all lessons, there will be an end to the class and the time we will graduate from the class, as long as we don't give up. :)

The Balcony Bar CD

You've got to check out this new album by the soon to be opened Balcony Bar in Heeren. Actually I didn't know there is going to be a new chill out bar in town until I saw the TV commercial on this few days back and I bought it soon after because it has my favourite song "Woman in Chains" by Tears for Fears in a remixed version!

Its a greaaaatttttt album! Very electic mixture and rich blend of exotic world rhythms from the Middle East, India, China and even a hint of Africa. Though essentially ethnic in nature, the music brilliantly fuses the downtempo and sensual chill out beats of modern sounds. Imagine drum n bass mixed with indian music...sounds yucky but it is pretty awesome here!

To hear the samples for this album, go to http://www.balconybar.com/thealbum.htm Check out track nos. 1/4/6/9/10/12. No. 2 & 3 are nice too, but there's no sample.

Nope..I'm not paid by Balcony Bar for this, I'm happily advertising free of charge for them because I really love this album! So if the bar owner is seeing this now, you know what to do ya? ;)

Be Thankful

Song Spinning Now: Tears For Fears - Woman In Chains

I believe that in life, whatever "shitty" things that happen to us can be precious gifts for us to grow and develop into a better person. Instead of becoming a victims of others or victims of situations, which most people are experts at, we can graciously embrace all these "shitty" things into us life and see them as life lessons or learning experiences. (This can also be a humble or vulnerable experience, and it takes courage to acknowledge that we are all vulnerable.)

Life is never meant to be smooth sailing anyway, each of us has own issues and challenges to overcome physically, emotionally and spirtually. A rich man can be extremely lonely deep inside and is something he needs to work on or a pretty lady might be struggling with several relationship problems and she needs to work on this aspect. There is no need to be envious of others, its just that all of us have our own unique strengths and weaknesses in different ways. Envying others is beating yourself up the wall, as we will only view ourselves more negatively.

Despite the disappointment, failures, sadness and frustrations that I had, I am thankful to be alive and for everyday that I have. It is because of the cocktail of good and bad experiences that I felt I've truly lived. The 'shitty" things will happen to us whether we like it or not and that's a fact of life. The lesson here is really how to handle and integrate them into our life for the better. It is not easy for sure, but if you succeed, there is only freedom and control thats never been experienced before.

BE THANKFUL

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something.

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations.

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge.

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary.

Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

and they can become your blessings.

~ Author Unknown ~

The Finer and Finest Things in Life ~ by Chris Widener

In America, we have a saying: The finer things in life. These are the things that most people talk about when they are speaking of thing of high quality. In fact, much of that which propels people to pursue success, particularly financial success, is the desire to participate in the finer things in life.

Let's face it, increased finances enable us to do more things and enjoy things that we otherwise would not be able to afford. And we should consider that a blessing. I am at a stage where my wife and I, and our kids, can enjoy some of the finer things in life.

It hasn't always been that way. I think sometimes it is best to have to go years of getting by so that we appreciate more fully the finer things in life when we are able to experience them. I am thankful for where I am. Who can argue of the beauty of a fine painting? Who doesn't love the smell and feel of leather furniture? Who doesn't enjoy driving a well-engineered car? Who doesn't dream of the softness and warmth of a Cashmere sweater? Who doesn't like a nice watch that can be passed on to your son or daughter someday? All of these are common symbols of the finer things in life, and indeed they are.

There is only one possible pitfall that I have found in the pursuit of the finer things in life. It is common that many fall into this trap. It is this:While pursuing the finer things in life, we often become so engrained, so focused in the pursuit, that we do not experience the finest things in life.

You see, for the most part, the finer things in life, as commonly defined, cost money. And usually it takes a lot of time working to make the kind of money that enables us to experience the finer things in life. And in the pursuit of the money to enjoy the finer things in life, we are spending so much time that we are missing regular opportunities to enjoy the finest things in life.Let me tell you of a recent experience.

A couple of weeks ago I took my son, age 9, down to see some spring training baseball in Phoenix, Arizona. This was our second trip down together and we hope to make it an annual tradition. We popped down just for three days to see three games (Boy the Seattle Mariners are looking good this year! But I digress...) The first game we saw was against the California Angels in their spring training facility in Tempe.

There we sat waiting for the game to start. Now let me assure you, this was not an experience of the finer things in life. It was actually a little chilly out, though the sun was shining. We were sitting on relatively hard seats, and my cuisine consisted of peanuts and a diet-Pepsi. Hmmmmm.But do you know what I found myself thinking? "There is no place else in the world I would rather be right now."I was spending time with my boy, doing something we would both enjoy, and creating memories that will never go away.

This, my friends, was one of the finest things in life.What are the finest things of life in my book? Here are a few. You can see where I am going and name a few yourself. Reading a novel just for the fun of it. A casual stroll along the beach with nowhere to go. An extra half-hour at the coffee shop, catching up with friends and actually tasting the great flavor of a cup of coffee, rather than rushing it. A game of crazy eights with my kids. A quiet evening out with my wife.A Saturday afternoon sleeping on the couch in front of the fire. And the list goes on...Are you taking enough time to stop and taste of the finest things in life? Or are you so bent on getting to a point wherein you can experience the finer things in life?

I have a saying that "good is the enemy of the best." Sometimes the finer things of life get in the way of the finest things in life. Sometimes we settle for the finer things in life when we could be enjoying the finest things in life.

Visa has a series of advertisements out right now. They would go something like this (describing a vacation): Airline tickets: $1500. Hotel room: $1200. The smile on her face: Priceless. We can always put a value on the finer things in life, and I would encourage you to enjoy them if you can. But the finest things in life are priceless. You can put no value or price tag on them. It is a mandate that we take the time to enjoy them.Take some time this week to live up to the old saying: Stop and smell the roses. You will never regret it.

Chris Widener is an internationally recognized speaker, author and radio host. He is the author of five books and audio series as well as over 350 success articles.